


Schrödinger

by Kaiyou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Background IwaOi - Freeform, Canon-ish, Fluffyness, M/M, background bokuaka - Freeform, background yakulev - Freeform, figuring out relationship, qp kenhina, some language and dirty thoughts, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 18:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8725798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiyou/pseuds/Kaiyou
Summary: Kenma knows exactly how he feels about Kuroo. He also knows how important and precious he is to Kuroo - but how does Kuroo feel about him, really? What does he want from their relationship? And why has he been pulling away? Fortunately, he has friends, old and new, to help him navigate through these somewhat terrifying questions. In the end, though, he may just have to take matters into his own hands to find out the answer to the most important question of all: is the cat alive, or is it dead?





	

**Author's Note:**

> AH OK so.... I had so much fun writing this, hope you love it. I know it's long for a oneshot but oh well :)
> 
> SO MUCH THANKS to bugbearz who encouraged me through the writing of this and helped me stay on track, and also to [SilverAmoebasquid](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverAmoebasquid) and [RisqueTendencies](http://archiveofourown.org/users/risquetendencies) who read through this and commented and caught hopefully all of the mistakes. Betas are a blessing. Any leftover issues are mine and mine alone :)

This was a mistake. A horrible, horrible mistake.

“Ok, Kuroo-chan. FMK: Pudding-chan, Bokuto, or Aka-chan?”

“Hmm, that’s a tough one.”

“Oh please, you made Iwa-chan kill me!”

“Shut up, Shittykawa. Obviously, Mattsun would make a better husband than you. He knows how to shut up.”

“So mean, Iwa-chan!”

“Hey hey, my turn. Ok, here goes. Well, marry Kenma obviously.”

Obviously? What did he mean by that? Kenma tried not to squirm from where he was sitting, pressed up against Kuroo’s side.

“Then sorry bro, you know I love you but - kill Bokuto, fuck Akaashi.”

“BRO!”

“Hey, I know, I mean I’d totally be dtf dude but man - have you looked at Akaashi lately?”

Considering that Bokuto hadn’t stopped mooning over Akaashi all night, Kenma figured the answer was obvious.

“Yeah, I know, he is beautiful.”

“And sexy.”

“Good to know to know my status as a sex object has been confirmed by the both of you, I was starting to wonder.”

“Akaaashiiiii!!!!”

Kenma ducked his head, lips twitching. Bokuto was drunk enough he probably wouldn’t remember it later. Still, this whole thing was just one huge mistake. He wished he’d never told Hinata how he was curious about meeting Seijou’s captain-setter. Somehow that had morphed into the Seijou third years hanging out the rest of them at a party at Kuroo’s house with way too much alcohol and a completely screwed up game.

“Ok, hmm. So Bo -” Kuroo started, trailing off as he realized Bokuto was completely absorbed in groveling at Akaashi. “Ah, fuck. Ok, Yaku -”

“Fuck off, Kuroo.”

“Hey! Damn, you’re a mean drunk. Ok, Lev -”

“Eh?”

“I said fuck off!”

Kenma sighed, feeling Kuroo snicker next to him. Yaku’s cheeks were red and he was trying to act like he wasn’t completely gone and trying to balance on Lev’s lap. Why the first-year was here Kenma wasn’t sure. He definitely wasn’t drinking - Yaku had growled at anyone who even suggested serving him anything but his weird Russian soda.

“Ok then fine. Ah, Akaashi?”

The dark-haired man sighed, gently pushing Bokuto off to the side. “Fine.”

“Hmm... FMK, Kenma, Bokuto and.... Me!”

Akaashi’s eyes narrowed at that, an odd glint coming into them as he looked at Kenma then glanced over at Oikawa for some reason. “You’re such a pain in the ass, Kuroo-san. Fine. Marry Bokuto, fuck Kenma, and kill you for putting me in this position.”

“Akaaaashi! You want to marry me??”

Kenma shivered, trying to ignore the twisting sensations in his gut as well as the way Kuroo shrieked and suddenly put his hands over Kenma’s ears.

“How could you! Kenma is too precious for -”

“You did ask, Kuroo-san.”

“That’s true,” Oikawa agreed.

Kuroo just sulked, pulling Kenma into his lap and huffing into the top of his hair. Kenma tried to fight the blush that colored his cheeks, ducking his head and wishing he hadn’t had a cider earlier. True, it had tasted a lot like apple juice, but it wasn’t helping him to ignore the affection his best friend - drunk best friend - was showering him with.

“Alright,” Akaashi said. “Oikawa. FMK, Ushiwaka, Iwaizumi, Matsukawa.”

“Pfft. Fuck Mattsun, kill Ushijima, marry Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi chuckled. “Oh, like that wasn’t obvious.”

“Why does everybody want to fuck my boyfriend?” Hanamaki asked.

“Because I’m a great lay, probably,” Matsukawa said, hands firmly around Hanamaki’s waist.

“Ah, true.”

“And because you’re louder than Oikawa is in bed and he wants to know -”

“Enough! We are guests here,” Iwaizumi yelled, cheeks flushing as he scooted away from Oikawa on the couch.

No wonder Kunimi was always so tired. Being on that team must be exhausting.

Oikawa’s lips curled in a mischievous grin and he stared right at Kenma.

“What?” Kuroo asked. “Oh, no. No fair, Kenma’s off-limits - bad enough you have to include him in your questions -”

“Whatever do you mean, Kuroo-san?” Akaashi purred. “You’re the one who mentioned him last time.”

“That’s true. Shouldn’t we let Pudding-chan get the choice of whether or not to answer?” Oikawa asked.

Ignoring Kuroo’s protests, Kenma thought it over. Oikawa and Akaashi were up to something, that much he was sure of. He just wasn’t sure what.

People were so much easier to read on the volleyball court.

“Fine,” he said, just curious enough to go along with whatever they had in mind, at least for now.

“Yay!” Oikawa said, clapping. “Alright then. FMK, Kuroo, Lev and.... Me!”

Ugh, this was going to be so troublesome. Lev had perked up at the sound of his name and was looking over with wide eyes. Kenma was fairly sure he was still at least a little confused about the point of the game, and it was the first time anyone had included him. Truth be told, he probably expected Kenma to just say kill, considering he’d threatened it enough times.

But Oikawa’s cockiness was just this side of even more irritating.

A nagging worry curled up in Kenma’s gut at his answer choices, but they should be alright. Kuroo had already picked him for marry before, right? It was the safest answer, it wouldn’t really reveal anything. Kuroo would know better than to think he’d want to be married to either of the other two under any circumstances, right?

Pursing his lips, Kenma bit the bullet and said, “Fuck Lev, Kill you, Marry Kuroo,” and all hell broke loose.

“Kenma-san?” Lev asked, mouth wide.

“Take that back, Kenma, or I swear - wait, what?” said Yaku, who blinked once and then fell back into Lev’s chest, eyes staying shut.

Oikawa was pouting and dealing with Iwaizumi punching his shoulder, turning to bicker with his best friend and possible boyfriend. Bokuto was cheering for Kuroo, who was strangely silent. Shifting in Kuroo’s lap Kenma looked up, not quite sure how to interpret his bright red cheeks and tight lips.

“Game over, we’re going to bed,” Kuroo blurted out, standing and tugging Kenma close.

He wasn’t sure quite what was going on, but he was more than happy to leave the party, especially since Akaashi seemed even more ruthless than normal when drunk.

“Aww, man, don’t be so sore about this,” Oikawa grumbled, trying to push himself out of a headlock.

“Yeah! We were having so much fun, bro! You should be happy, I’d be happy if Ken-chan wanted to marry me!”

“Bokuto-san.”

“Ah! Akaashi! I didn’t mean - I mean - Akaashi!”

Sighing, Kenma rubbed his temple, now even happier to be leaving. Everybody was getting far too loud. Something sour was curling in his gut, too - something that had him frowning as he followed Kuroo up the stairs to his room.

“Here, you get changed in the bathroom,” Kuroo murmured, handing Kenma a pair of sleeping pants and a t-shirt. “Just knock when you’re ready, and I’ll let you know if I’m decent. Ah - if you want I can make out the futon for myself...”

“It’s fine, Kuro,” Kenma said, hugging himself with clothes in hand. “The futon is too much work, and we’re tired.”

Besides, they slept on his bed together all the time.

They’d used to change in front of each other all the time too. Still did at school, of course, just like the rest of the team. Took showers together too - well, not together together, Kenma thought as he pushed into the restroom. But they’d all bathed together, too - he’d seen Kuroo naked countless times over the years, and Kuroo had seen him naked too, though lately, it was always in the company of others.

The past few months, Kuroo had been extra shy, though. It bothered him.

It was also a bit disturbing that Akaashi might want to fuck him. Oikawa too, since it seemed like he’d been angling for a confession with his question. Then again, with those two, it might all be part of some elaborate game.

He didn’t know.

Didn’t know anything about sex - well, other than what he’d read about and the games he’d played. Didn’t know anything about real relationships; Kuroo always made sure to protect him from any over-eager admirers, few as they were. The one person he’d grudgingly given a pass to was Shouyou, amusingly enough believing that “the shortie is innocent so it’ll be fine.”

Oh, if he only knew the types of things Shouyou got up to with his boyfriend.

But that boyfriend wasn’t Kenma, and would never be Kenma. The thought of having sex with Shouyou was off-putting and weird, though Kenma hadn’t minded the light kisses they’d shared back before he got together with the guy from Dateko. He still enjoyed the cuddles, even with Aone involved.

Though Kuroo would probably throw a fit about that if he knew.

Sighing, Kenma tossed his clothes in the laundry and walked back to Kuroo’s room, knocking.

“It’s fine,” Kuroo called. He was already in bed when Kenma walked in. The bedside light was on and Kuroo was reading his latest novel.

“I thought you were tired?” Kenma asked, frowning as he heard a high-pitched crash from downstairs.

Kuroo winced. “They’ll clean it up. Akaashi will make sure they clean it up,” he said to himself, then looked at Kenma. “I am tired, kitten. Just wanted to finish this chapter while I was waiting for you.”

“Oh,” Kenma said.

An awkward silence stretched between them. Kuroo was looking to the side, not at either Kenma or his book. For some reason, it felt like there was something in the room between them, something Kenma couldn’t quite figure out.

“I’m sorry you got dragged into that mess downstairs,” Kuroo finally said. “They - I went too far. You shouldn’t be put in that type of position.”

“It’s fine, Kuro,” Kenma said.

“It isn’t, though.”

“Is too.”

“Is not.”

“Is too.”

Kuroo laughed, but it was a shaky thing, and his gaze when he finally looked over at Kenma was weird. Kenma wanted to call it wistful, but that was even weirder. “You should get into bed, silly kitten. You’re going to fall asleep on your feet.”

“Am not,” Kenma retorted, amused now.

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

He slipped into bed anyway, snuggling up under the covers that were just the right weight for the season.

He didn’t want to talk about the party. Didn’t want to ask Kuroo why he’d gotten so upset, or why he’d been acting so strange the past few months. Didn’t want to ask why both Akaashi and Oikawa seemed to know something he didn’t. So instead, he asked about the book.

“You’re reading about a cat?”

“What?” Kuroo asked, turning to look at the front of the book. It was illustrated with a picture of what looked like the statue of a black cat on a checkerboard holding the world down with its paw. “Oh, yeah. Schrödinger’s cat. It’s a quantum physics thing.”

“There are cats in quantum physics.”

“Ah - well, it’s this thought experiment a guy named Schrödinger came up with, where you have a cat locked in a box with a vial of poison and a hammer. The hammer’s attached to a thing that measures radioactivity, and there’s a source nearby that might emit radioactivity. If the meter reads a decaying particle, it will release the hammer, and the vial will be smashed and kill the cat. So while the box is closed, you don’t know if the cat is alive or dead. Really though, while the box is closed the cat is actually both alive and dead at the same time, and it’s only until you open the box that it resolves itself into one option.”

“So you’re reading a book about people killing cats for science experiments.”

“What? No!”

“It sounds stupid. Doesn’t everything living emit radioactivity at some point?”

“Well - kinda, but -”

“And what happens if the cat runs out of air? Or the poison - I guess it’s a gas, since the experiment doesn’t say anything about the cat choosing to lick it up, right? So when you open the box to find out if you’ve killed your cat, which you probably have since the cat’s living and low-key radioactive, you’re going to die too because you’ll be inhaling the chlorine or whatever it is that’s been released.”

“Ugh. Kenma, it’s just a, like a riddle, you can’t take it so seriously.”

“It’s stupid. Quantum physics is - well, ok, so it may not be stupid, but it is weird.”

Kuroo sighed and looked at him, closing the book and putting it on his nightstand. “Ok, so maybe it is weird. But it’s still cool!”

“Psh. It’s weird. You only think it’s cool because you’re weird.”

“Kenma!” Kuroo gasped, turning towards him. His eyes were dark, hair glowing in the light of the lamp behind him. “I am not weird.”

That was patently false. But Kuroo was also beautiful.

“Are too,” Kenma said, resolutely pushing that thought to the side.

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Kuroo huffed and stuck his tongue out at him. Kenma returned the gesture. It was childish as hell, of course, but Kuroo was his childhood friend and there was no one around to get onto him, so he didn’t care. Besides, at least now Kuroo wasn’t thinking about the stupid party.

From the way his eyes were wandering down Kenma’s face, however, it seemed like he had something else on his mind instead.

But it was probably just wishful thinking.

Kuroo huffed and turned over, reaching out and turning off the lamp. “I’m tired now, going to get some sleep. If you play, can you turn the volume off?”

“Of course,” Kenma muttered.

He turned away from Kuroo, curling up in a ball and watching the strip of light at the bottom of the door. The sounds from the party downstairs were quieting down. The front door shut - probably Lev driving Yaku home. Everyone else was supposed to bed down on futons and the couches downstairs. It was supposed to have been a fun night, hanging out with friends, getting a chance to spend time with Kuroo on one of the few nights when his parents were out of town.

It wasn’t like he’d expected something to happen. He wasn’t even entirely sure what he wanted to happen if he was honest. He just knew the way Kuroo was acting made something hurt inside, made him ache, made every breath burn in his lungs. Tears pricked the corner of his eyes but he made sure to be absolutely quiet in case Kuroo was still awake.

It wasn’t Kuroo’s fault, not really.

But he missed his best friend. He wanted - thought he might want - something more, something like what Mattsun and Makki had - well, without the memes. Or Aone and Hinata. Hell, sometimes he wanted even what he had with Aone and Hinata, the easy touches. The way Kuroo had hugged him closer and closer as the night wore on and the alcohol flowed - he’d missed that. Lately, Kuroo was extra careful about even casual touches.

Maybe he knew how Kenma felt and didn’t want to encourage it.

Hell, maybe he should just bite the bullet and confess for real instead of hiding it inside some stupid answer in a game. But Kuroo was his world, his heart. They’d get past this.

One way or another.

Unless Kenma fucked it up by asking for more than Kuroo could give.

Angry suddenly, he pushed the covers back and got up, walking to the door.

“You ok?” Kuroo asked.

Kenma paused, hand curled around the doorknob. “I’m fine, Kuro. Just going to get a glass of water. Go to sleep.”

He could feel Kuroo watching him for a long moment, almost like he wanted Kenma to turn around and show him the truth of his words. But there was no way he could do that. He could hide his mood in his voice, but Kuroo knew him well enough to read he was upset with just a glance.

Finally, Kuroo said, “Alright. Be careful of any broken glass, kitten.”

Kenma nodded, not willing to acknowledge how the pet name made his heart clinch. Instead he just stepped out of the room and pulled the door shut, stepping carefully down the stairs and into the kitchen. A quick glance in the living room showed that Makki and Mattsun were already curled up together on a futon near the back of the room. Bokuto was snoring on one of the couches, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi were curled up talking on the other. Neither of them paid him any mind.

He moved to the cabinet and got a glass, going to the sink to fill it. Soft footsteps padded in as the water reached the top of the glass. Kenma took a sip, looking at the dark yard outside, at his own shadowed reflection in the glass, at Akaashi as he walked up behind him.

“You alright?” Akaashi asked.

Nodding, Kenma said, “Thirsty. It’s important to drink a glass of water after drinking so you don’t get a hangover.”

A soft chuckle escaped Akaashi’s lips and his hand rubbed gently at Kenma’s back. It was an intimacy fairly new between them, but Kenma didn’t mind. Well, not too much. Akaashi was dangerous and mysterious and beautiful, but he was also kind. He loved Bokuto too, of that Kenma was fairly sure.

“You only had one drink,” Akaashi murmured. “I think you’ll be fine.”

Kenma nodded, draining the glass. He chanced a glance at Akaashi and immediately regretted it. Whatever his face looked like, the other setter interpreted it in a moment, and amusement gave way to concern.

“Kenma? What’s wrong? Did Kuroo -”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong, nothing happened,” Kenma said, trying to keep an edge of bitterness from his voice.

“We thought -”

Kenma raised an eyebrow and looked at him, figuring any damage was done and there was no use hiding anymore. “Thought?”

Akaashi frowned, a guilty glance at the living room confirming Kenma’s suspicions that he and Oikawa had been plotting something earlier. “Never mind. Come here.”

Kenma set the glass on the counter and allowed Akaashi to drag him out the back door and onto the porch. The night air was cool, but not cold enough that Kenma was uncomfortable. At least not yet.

Turning to Akaashi, he repeated his question. “Thought?”

Sighing, Akaashi sat on one of the lounge chairs. “We’ve noticed something’s different between the two of you lately. Even Oikawa commented on it, and he barely knows you. Yaku’s been worrying like a mother cat, and Bokuto thought maybe you’d gotten a boyfriend - but it was fairly obvious being here with you these past couple days that’s not the case.”

Not sure whether he should be offended or not, Kenma just said, “So nice of you to take an interest in our relationship.”

Well, his love life, really - because that was what it was. That did make him uncomfortable. Sitting down on a chair across from Akaashi, he wrapped his arms around himself.

“Don’t be an ass,” Akaashi muttered. “Of course we care, we’re your friends. Asahi floated the idea that you were asexual or aromantic, but Hinata nixed that thought.”

Kenma bristled. “You got Hinata involved in this?”

“Hey, he was one of the ones who brought it up. He was worried. Then we thought maybe something was up with Kuroo, or that you’d had a fight, but Oikawa posited you were both just idiots who hadn’t gotten around to confessing yet.”

Kenma’s cheeks burned and he stared down at his hands. Gossiping. His friends had been gossiping about him, about him and Kuroo. People he’d trusted - confided in -

“I mean,” Akaashi continued, “we were kind of going under the assumption that you are attracted to Kuroo. Hinata wouldn’t let us know one way or the other. He and Bokuto put up a fairly united front with that - we figure if anyone knows what Kuroo’s worried about, it’s probably Bokuto, especially if he hasn’t confided in Yaku.”

That mollified Kenma just a little. It wasn’t like he’d had deep heart to heart conversations with Shouyou about how he felt about Kuroo specifically, but he’d probably been more open with him than anyone. Shouyou was his first kiss, after all. They’d actually had several fairly graphic conversations about sex and romance in the past, all on a fairly generic level.

“Do you like him?” Akaashi asked.

Scowling, Kenma said, “It’s Kuro.”

Akaashi laughed. “Well, I know. But you also know what I mean. I don’t believe for a second you want to fuck Lev or kill Oikawa, but the other - was that true?”

Kenma’s scowl deepened. The idea of sex with Lev was probably one of the most off-putting things he could think of - he’d feel like a beaver climbing a tree. Killing Oikawa was looking to be a relatively good option, considering that Kenma was fairly sure all this meddling wouldn’t’ve happened if the Seijou captain hadn’t been involved. But marrying Kuroo...

Shrugging, he said, “I don’t know. I mean, am I attracted to him? Yes, I think so. Date? Probably. Marry? That, I mean, we’re both pretty young, and there’s a possibility that if we try things it’ll end up uneven, he could meet someone while he’s away at college, we could grow apart -”

“But that’s the case with every relationship before it starts,” Akaashi said. “I mean, I’m pretty confident about Bokuto’s feelings for me, but he could go off to school and become enamored with another pretty face.”

“Somehow I don’t see that as much of a possibility.”

Akaashi shrugged. “I agree, but you never know. People change. Maybe I’ll change. Maybe I’ll decide I want something else, or something more. Relationships aren’t static things, I think, even for couples that are married. There are no guarantees.”

Kenma thought about that a moment. It was true, he knew it was true. Wasn’t sure if it really helped how he felt, but it was food for thought.

“Does Kuroo know how you feel?”

And there was the crux of the real problem.

Shaking his head, Kenma shrugged. “I don’t know. Don’t think so. Maybe? He’s been acting really strange lately and I’ve wondered if it was because he figured it out.”

The look Akaashi gave him was skeptical, but he did spend a moment putting serious thought into it. “Hmm. I don’t think so? I mean, he was pretty cuddly with you tonight. We thought he was going to take you upstairs and have his wicked way with you to establish his claim or something.”

“His claim?” Kenma asked, raising an eyebrow. “Wait, you were talking about us after we went upstairs, too?”

Akaashi just shrugged, an unapologetic look on his face. “To be fair, it was after Lev had gone, and Matsukawa and Hanamaki were already making out in the corner, so it was really just me and Oikawa with Iwaizumi watching.”

“And Bokuto.”

"He’d passed out.”

That didn’t exactly make it all better, but Kenma was pretty sure that none of the people involved had anything but friendly concern.

The back door opened and Kenma flinched, relaxing just a bit when he realized it was Iwaizumi.

“Hey, sorry. Am I interrupting something? I can go smoke out front if you need, or -”

Kenma shook his head. “It’s fine. I just thought you were Kuro.”

“Huh.”

For a moment Iwaizumi looked like he wanted to say more. Instead, he walked to the edge of the porch, lighting up and blowing smoke out into the midnight air.

Silence descended on the three of them as he smoked, and it gave Kenma the time he needed to process some of what he’d learned from Akaashi. It did bother him that his friends were talking about them behind their back. Then again it wasn’t like he’d never sat back with Hinata and speculated about people. For Kenma it had always been a part of trying to figure out what romance was all about. Trying to figure people out. He never had any faith in his predictions, though.

Take Bokuto and Akaashi, for instance - he’d wondered if they were together or not. Wondered if Bokuto was messing around with Kuroo, too - that ‘down to fuck’ comment earlier didn’t really help his confusion there. It was probably just bullshit. Kenma was relatively sure Kuroo wasn’t randomly hooking up with people and not telling him.

Relatively sure.

He sighed.

“Kuroo puts you up on a pedestal, doesn’t he?” Iwaizumi asked, breaking the silence.

Kenma blinked. “What do you mean?”

Iwaizumi shrugged, turning and taking another drag off his cigarette before glancing at Akaashi then back to Kenma. “It’s what it seemed like tonight. Like he thought you were innocent and needed to be protected.”

Considering this, Kenma nodded. “He’s always overprotective, though. My whole team is. It’s useful, sometimes.”

Annoying at others.

“Are you?”

Kenma shrugged, looking over as the back door opened again and Oikawa pushed his way out, tugging a blanket around him.

“No fair, all of you out here without me,” he whined, shuffling over towards Kenma’s chair. “Scoot over.”

“Why?”

Pouting, Oikawa said, “I’ll share?”

He was feeling the chill the more they sat out there. Glancing at Akaashi, Kenma weighed the question of being close to a relative stranger against the prospect of getting warm. He sighed, moving over.

“Yay!” Oikawa said, plopping down next to him and wrapping the blanket around both of them. “So what’s this secret conversation about?”

“Take a guess, Shittykawa.”

“Kuroo being a chickenshit?” Oikawa asked.

Both Akaashi and Kenma snorted at that, Akaashi lounging back in his chair. “Basically,” he said.

“I don’t know why he denies himself when he obviously wants you and you’re so delicious,” Oikawa murmured, sliding an arm around Kenma.

“Hey!” Kenma said, frowning up at him and elbowing him in the ribs. It felt relatively harmless, though, and Iwaizumi just sighed.

“Does your boyfriend always flirt with people like this?” Akaashi asked.

“Pretty much,” Iwaizumi said, moving to sit at Akaashi’s feet.

“Well, I have to put up with our whole team having man-crushes on him,” Oikawa groused.

Iwaizumi shrugged. “Except Yahaba. He just moons over you.”

“That’s just hero-worship, though, because I’m amazing. I’m pretty sure he has a crush on Kyoutani.”

“Do you always gossip about your teammates like this?” Kenma asked, slowly relaxing against Oikawa’s side. He wondered what Kuroo would think if he saw it.

He wondered if he’d care.

“Pretty much,” Iwaizumi said. “For some reason, it seems to be a topic of interest.”

Oikawa huffed. “It’s called being concerned about our precious kohais’ wellbeing, Iwa-chan.”

“And we enjoy it,” Akaashi said.

Kenma felt Oikawa shrug.

“True. Still can’t figure Kageyama out, though...”

“He’s not your kohai anymore, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi grumbled.

A few theories about Kageyama sprung to Kenma’s mind, but he didn’t feel like sticking his toes into that pool just yet. Of course he and Hinata had talked about the Karasuno setter. Hinata was of the opinion that Kageyama was volleyball-sexual, only without the sex, whatever that meant. There was no way Kenma was ever going to get close enough to the guy to actually ask him, so it was a matter that would have to remain in the realm of speculation until actual evidence emerged.

But Kenma wasn’t worried about Kageyama tonight. He had another mystery at hand.

“What if he doesn’t, though,” Kenma whispered.

“Kageyama? That’s a possibility -”

“No, I mean...”

“Kuroo-san,” Akaashi said, watching Kenma closely.

Kenma nodded.

“Oh,” Oikawa said. “You think? But he was all over you tonight.”

“Just cuddling, though,” Kenma muttered. “And Hinata and I cuddle a lot like that too, but that’s all there is between us.”

“Queer platonic, yeah. Chibi-chan told us. Still can’t believe he’s with that giant -”

“Focus, Oikawa-san.”

“Right, right.”

“But what if that’s how Kuro feels about me? I mean, maybe that’s why he’s been so...”

“So what, Ken-chan?”

Kenma sighed, looking down at his hands. “So, uh. Distant, lately?”

The others were silent, waiting for him to collect his thoughts. It wasn’t easy, but he’d thought about this too often not to have words.

“If Shouyou had wanted something more physical with me, or romantic, or thought he would - I’m not sure how I’d feel. He’s one of my most important people. I feel safe with him, and he gets me. If he wanted something from me I wasn’t comfortable with, I’d probably start acting uncomfortable around him, just like -”

“I don’t think that’s it,” Iwaizumi interrupted. “I mean, I get what you’re saying. I had confessions from girls I was friends with when I was younger -”

“You had girls that liked you? Over me?”

“Shut up, Shittykawa. So I know that feeling. It was awkward as all get-out, and I lost some friends like that. But I don’t even think he’s aware that you, ah -”

“Want to fuck,” Akaashi said. “Someone, at least. Preferably him, I assume?”

“Ah, at some point in the future, yeah. Probably.”

“Oh?” Oikawa asked. “Not Lev? Have you fantasized about him? Jerked off to him in the shower? Thought about what it would be like to take that cock and -”  


“I’ll hit him for you if you want,” Iwaizumi growled.

Kenma slit his eyes and looked up at an unrepentant Oikawa. “No thanks. I can always push him off the chair.”

Oikawa gasped. “So mean!”

“I’d steal the blanket, too.”

Iwaizumi chuckled. Kenma was tempted to as well, especially with the pout that crossed Oikawa’s face.

“I take it the fact that you weren’t really phased by anything he said means you aren’t a blushing virgin when it comes to talking about sex. Well, I’m not going to speculate on your actual experience, but you know what I mean.”

Kenma nodded. Virginity was a stupid concept, but it was true that he hadn’t done anything past kissing with anyone except in his mind. “It doesn’t bother me. Really, it’s amusing to see how much it can rile up other people, when used in moderation.”

“Really, Ken-chan? We should hang out more often.”

“True,” Akaashi said, lips twitching. He was eyeing Kenma with a look of speculation that made Kenma wonder if the two of them would be socializing together more in the future as well. Kenma wouldn’t mind that.

“Maybe you should watch porn with him,” Iwaizumi suggested.

“Ah, what?” said Akaashi.

“That is how I clued you into the fact that I was gay, wasn’t it, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa mused.

“Only because you were such a shit that you wouldn’t come out to me after I came out to you,” Iwaizumi retorted.

“Hey! It was a delicate time. And anyways, I didn’t really like any of the guys in the clip, I just wasn’t sure - well. This isn’t a conversation about me, this is a conversation about Ken-chan.”

It was. Kenma thought about it. It was actually a relatively safe idea. If Kuroo really was thinking of him as some delicate flower to pure to be plucked, porn was probably a good way to go.

“Or to take it a step further, you could jack off somewhere he’s bound to catch you,” Akaashi said.

“Maybe even moaning his name.”

Kenma did blush at that, shaking his head. “Too far.”

“He’s right,” Iwaizumi said. “If Kuroo really is just qp for him, a good way to weird him out would be to make it seem like Kenma is just viewing him as a sex object. Hell, even if he’s interested it might freak him out.”

“But Iwa-chan, I -”

“It freaked me out.”

“But you still -”

“It still freaks me out.”

“But I -”

“Conversation for another time,” Akaashi interrupted, chuckling. “And Iwaizumi-san is probably right about not taking it too far. Porn may be your safest bet if you want to shock him out of any delusions he may have about your innocence.”

Kenma thought it over. It actually made sense. Normally he was very discrete about the porn and boys love games he played, hiding them whenever Kuroo got curious. Of course Kuroo teased him about them, but Kenma was relatively sure he didn’t realize exactly how explicit some of the games actually were.

Maybe it was time to introduce him.

“That’ll remove one obstacle,” Oikawa said. “Then just seduce him.”

“Or talk to him,” Iwaizumi objected. “Talking is good.”

“Talk can be seduction, Iwa-chan. Like the time that I -”

“Shut up.”

Oikawa’s laugh was like bell chimes. This time, Iwaizumi was actually blushing.

“I have a suspicion that Kuroo is actually a closet romantic,” Akaashi said, “Especially considering how he goes on and on about you. So you might try a heartfelt confession.”

Kenma made a face. “Like a girl?”

“Guys do it too.”

“Is that what you did with Bokuto?”

Akaashi blinked, then scrunched up his lips. “I tried. After dropping hints and having to deal with far too much grief from Komi and Konoha. In the end I just kissed him.”

“Where?” Oikawa quipped.

“Everywhere,” Akaashi replied, smirking.

“Oh really? Well, your boyfriend does have a great body, I’ll admit.”

“Thanks. Yours too.”

“Right here,” Iwaizumi grumbled.

“No problem,” Oikawa said, preening a bit. “And let me tell you, he knows how to work it too. His ass, man.”

“Still right here.”

“I did notice that - though Bokuto is good too. He’s got great stamina, and really likes my fingers, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh really? Hah, I think I do. Iwa-chan -”

“Is still right fucking here, Shittykawa, and if you don’t shut up right now and let me pretend you and Akaashi don’t talk about our sex life when you’re alone you won’t be getting any of my ass in the near future.”

“Ah! But Iwa-chan!”

Kenma started to giggle. It was all just more than a little absurd. His friends were crazy, and he was tired, and it seemed far more hilarious than it probably actually was.

The giggles wouldn’t stop and he pressed his hands to his face, shoulders shaking as he hunched over.

“Hey, hey, Ken-chan, it’s ok,” Oikawa murmured, rubbing circles on his back.

“See, that’s what happens when you try to make cracks about my ass, Shittykawa. You fuck everything up. As usual.”

“So mean, Iwa-chan!”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Kenma muttered, surprised to find that his fingers were a little wet. “I think - I think I’m probably just tired.”

“Sorry,” Oikawa said. “Hug?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

Kenma appreciated that there was no resentment in Oikawa’s voice at the rejection. The hand at his back continued, motions soothing. None of it changed the fact that he wished it was Kuroo sitting beside him, but this was nice too.

“Everything will be fine, Kenma,” Akaashi said. “It’s always easier after you get things out in the open.”

“Just have to open the box, eh? Find out if the cat is alive or dead,” Kenma mused.

“What?!” Oikawa asked.

“It’s a -”

“It’s probably a Kuroo thing, isn’t it?” Akaashi asked.

Kenma nodded, fond smile curling his lips. “Yeah. It is,” he said, thinking a moment. “What if Bokuto had turned you down?”

Akaashi exchanged a glance with Oikawa. “Well, that would’ve sucked. But I’d still be his setter, and his best friend, the one who knows him better than anyone else in the world except maybe family. I’d still have Konoha, and Sarukui, and the rest of the team - and you.”

“And me, now!”

“And Iwaizumi and Oikawa,” Akaashi agreed, chuckling.

“You’ll have us too, Ken-chan,” Oikawa said, squeezing his shoulder. “Iwaizumi is going to some other stupid school next year -”

“Hey!”

“But I’m coming to Tokyo and going to the same school as Bokuto and Kuroo. Anytime you need to talk, just let me know.”

“Same goes for me,” Akaashi said. “Especially since we’re both going to be captains next year.”

“Really? I should get you two together with Yahaba, then! It’s totally not fair that Karasuno gets to hog training camp with you guys.”

“I’m not going to be captain next year,” Kenma said, scowling.

“Oh, you’re going to turn it down and let Yamamoto try to handle the responsibility?”

“Hey! He can’t be any worse than Bokuto.”

Akaashi bristled. “Bokuto-san is an amazing captain, I hope you know. He certainly proved that in our last game against you.”

“Yeah, well -”

“I think you’ll make a wonderful captain, Ken-chan,” Oikawa said, giving Kenma a dazzling smile. “And after all, now you’re friends with one of the best captains out there!”

Blinking up at him, Kenma said, “I’ve been best friends with Kuroo since we were six.”

“Ah! Mean!”

“True though,” Kenma replied, smirking.

“Probably why you like him, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi teased.

“Well, true,” Oikawa mused. “And now you have another one. I’ll be happy to give you any tips you need, especially since you won’t be playing Seijou until they get to nationals with you next year.”

Kenma just shrugged, ducking his head to hide the smile that was trying to creep onto his face. He really didn’t want to think about the captain question right now. In fact, he was pretty sure he wanted to go to bed.

The back door creaked open again, and Kenma stiffened.

“‘Kaashi?” came a sleepy voice. “I’m cold. Hey, why is everybody else out here? I thought the party was over?”

Akaashi repressed a smile, getting up and walking over to his tired boyfriend before pulling him in a hug. “It is,” he murmured, kissing Bokuto’s cheek. “I was just talking to Kozume-san.”

“Kenma?” Bokuto huffed, resting his head on Akaashi’s shoulder and looking over at them. “Hey, why are you curled up with Oikawa? Is Kuroo ok?”

“He’s fine, Bokuto-san. He’s just sleeping, like we should be.”

“Are you sure? He’s been so worried lately -”

The word made Kenma’s heart twitch with guilt. “He’ll be ok, Bo,” Kenma said. “And Oikawa and I were just sharing a blanket because I’m cold.”

“Oh, ok,” Bokuto murmured, yawning widely and looking back at Akaashi. “I want to cuddle with Kenma sometime too. Everybody else gets too. Can I, Akaashi?”

Kenma huffed. Everybody did not get to cuddle with him. Still, the prospect of curling up with Bokuto didn’t bother him nearly as much as it had when he’d first met the over-energetic owl.

“Later, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi murmured, kissing him softly. “Lets just go to sleep now, ok?”

“Ok. Love you, ‘Kaashi.”

“You too,” Akaashi said, cheeks dusted with pink as he waved to the rest of them before pushing his boyfriend back inside.

“That,” Oikawa declared, “was sickeningly sweet. It was almost worse than watching Kunimi and Kindaichi curl up together for a nap in the back of the bus.”

Iwaizumi snorted at that.

Kenma made a face. “Kuroo’s probably going to be worse than that,” he mused.

“Probably,” Oikawa agreed.

“Ah, I mean. If he -”

Oikawa frowned. “When he -”

“No, it’s still if,” Iwaizumi said. “But Kenma, I think he probably will.”

Swallowing, Kenma nodded. “I hope so,” he whispered.

“No worries, no worries,” Oikawa said. “And even if the worst thing happens, life still goes on. Right, Iwa-chan?”

The look the other two shared was more serious than what Kenma was used to, making him remember that the Seijou third years were from the only team that hadn’t made it to nationals this year.

Iwaizumi slowly nodded, a fierce grin crossing his face. “And you come out of it stronger than ever.”

“Exactly,” Oikawa agreed, returning the grin. It softened as he looked down at Kenma, though.

“Thank you,” Kenma said.

“Of course! You’re one of our friends now, and we always support our friends. Plus, we’re counting on either you or Fukurodani to kick Karasuno’s ass in the tournament.”

Kenma laughed, grinning at the thought. “Trust me, I have every intention of doing so.”

“Beating out your precious chibi-chan?”

“Absolutely,” Kenma agreed, excitement for the coming match thrumming through his veins. To be able to face Shouyou on the court for real, where it counted - yes. “I should probably get some sleep.”

Oikawa nodded in agreement. “We all should. Remember we’re behind you one hundred percent!”

“Thank you again,” Kenma said, standing and shivering before covering a yawn of his own. “It means a lot. All of this. Both of you.”

“No problem,” Iwaizumi said, standing and helping Oikawa to his feet.

“No kisses until you brush your teeth, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said with a wrinkled nose. “You smell like smoke.”

Iwaizumi huffed.

Kenma chuckled, walking to the door and waving goodnight.

When he got up to the room, Kuroo was fast asleep - on his stomach now, head scrunched between two pillows.

Smiling, Kenma crawled into bed beside him, resisting the urge to reach out and scratch his back.

Instead he felt a warm hand cross the distance between them and take his own.

“Mmm, you took too long,” Kuroo murmured drowsily, head turning to look at Kenma. “Why do you smell like smoke?”

“Long story,” Kenma replied, curling on his side to face Kuroo, feeling greedy as he squeezed his hand. “Now go back to sleep, ok?”

“Don’t leave me, Kenma,” Kuroo whispered, eyes hazy with sleep.

The words hurt in a way that reminded Kenma just how important Kuroo was to him. “I’m not going anywhere, Kuro.”

“Please. Please.”

“I’m not.”

The look in Kuroo’s eyes was killing him so he reached with his free hand and gently pushed the hair out of his eyes, indulging in the texture of the soft strands before gently rubbing his back.

Kuroo sighed, eyes drifting shut again, hand tightening around Kenma’s. “Good,” he muttered, yawning softly before sliding back into whatever dream he’d been wrapped up in before Kenma came to bed.

It made Kenma smile, then ache again because he probably could live with seeing this view every night for the rest of his life. Stupid game. Stupid friends.

Stupid hope.

But he did have hope. Iwaizumi’s idea about Kuroo thinking he was innocent and treating him with kid gloves because of it actually made sense, and it was, perhaps, a more reasonable idea than what Kenma had been imagining.

It was complicated, and Kuroo was goofy looking when he slept, hair even more messed up than usual. Their fingers were still intertwined. Kuroo held on even when Kenma moved a bit to get more comfortable. Silly Kuro.

Laying his head back on the pillow, Kenma stared up at a ceiling that he’d known as long as his own. He’d helped Kuroo put the faintly-glowing stars on the white plaster. He knew that they almost perfectly matched the actual winter sky. He knew Kuroo’s favorite constellation was Orion, that he thought the story of Ursa Major and Ursa Minor was cute, that he’d been excited to show his room to Oikawa but had chickened out because he hadn’t finished cleaning it in time.

He knew a million things about Kuroo. Things that wouldn’t ever change, even if their relationship did.

It was a comforting thought, and he slid into sleep nestled between memories and the sound of Kuroo’s soft snores.

~~~~~~

In the morning, Kenma woke first. He almost never woke up first.

It was probably because he was so nervous. Normally sleeping with Kuroo was comfortable, safe. It wasn’t that Kenma felt unsafe now. Well, not exactly.

But he did have a lot on his mind.

He spent a few minutes just lying back, letting thoughts slip through his mind like water through his fingers, picking up handfuls again and again to see if anything would stick together. The only thing that stuck was the suggestion that he let Kuroo catch him watching porn. He didn’t even remember if it was Akaashi or Iwaizumi who had said it, now.

It was a preposterous idea. Made him embarrassed even thinking about it. He’d watched things with Hinata of course, most of it really stupid. They’d made fun of the people all the way through it, of course. Hinata had tried to rope Aone and Kageyama into watching with them, but Kageyama had flatly refused and Aone had made an almost-silent suggestion that he and Hinata let Kenma watch them together, since he reasoned Kenma was more interested in the actual mechanics of sex than anything else.

Hinata had gotten all flustery and red. Kenma had left early that day, fairly certain Aone had actually been making a low-key point about Hinata involving Kenma in sexual situations of any sort. They hadn’t watched porn since.

Kenma didn’t really miss it.

He was actually more interested in things where the story was important, and the sex reflected an actual relationship with characters he was somewhat invested in. That was why he spent more time with boys love manga and games.

Pondering a moment, Kenma debated the pros and cons of starting right away. There was, of course, the vague embarrassment of actually being caught, even though that was the intention. There was also the question of actually doing it in Kuroo’s bed. Would it make him embarrassed? Would he be upset that Kenma was doing it here?

Or conversely, would he think it was hot?

Kenma examined this. If Kuroo did actually find him attractive and had just been waiting until he was confident Kenma was actually interested in sex, well. Had Kuroo thought about him before? Here, in this bed, maybe? The idea that Kuroo had lain here at night, thinking about Kenma - thinking about Kenma naked and doing things - and jacking off while thinking about him - fuck. Ok, that was hot. Hot enough that his flagging morning wood was coming back with a vengeance.

The suggestion - he was pretty sure it was Oikawa’s - to jack off and let Kuroo catch him suddenly intruded with a sinful deliciousness. Still, as tempting as the idea was, it did seem more than disrespectful. Even if things went well and they did get into a relationship with more romantic and physical elements, the thought of masturbating in front of Kuroo was an intimidating prospect.

Enticing, but intimidating.

No, safer just to do some light reading.

Reaching for his phone on the nightstand, Kenma curled up on his side and opened up the latest volume of a detective manga he liked with some rather explicit sex scenes. He liked the art a lot. One of the main characters was the burly son of a Yakuza boss who had renounced his heritage, and the other was a reformed spy and relationship breaker. He liked the fact that they were both strong characters. One of their cases even involved a cat.

The new volume was so interesting he finished it almost before he realized. The story had actually affected him more than the smut, but that was normal. Still that wasn’t the point of this particular exercise. Making a face, he bookmarked one particularly salacious scene and decided to restart the series from the beginning.

When Kuroo moved behind him he barely noticed. It was all just so normal. Even if Kuroo was the one who usually woke first in the morning, they’d taken plenty of naps where Kenma was awake entertaining himself for a while before Kuroo stirred.

The hand on his waist was normal too, as was the feeling of Kuroo’s breath against the back of his neck. “What game are you playing now, kitten?” he murmured, voice heavy with sleep.

“Mmm, none. Reading.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Kenma said, smiling as the first adventure started to come to a close.

“That’s nice. Though I’m not sure reading something with pictures counts. What is it? Ah - wait - what are they doing?”

Kenma froze, forgetting for a moment that this was exactly what he’d wanted to have happen. Heartbeat thrumming in his throat, he affected nonchalance. “Here he’s looking at his naked body. I’m pretty sure he’s fingering him open in this one, though of course they can’t make it too explicit. That one’s a blowjob -”

The hand on his waist tightened.

“Kenma!” Kuroo hissed out, sounding a bit strangled. “What - why are you reading -”

“What? It’s a good series. I like the story.”

“But - but - “

“But what, Kuro?” Kenma said, turning to look up into Kuroo’s face. It was a priceless sight. Any embarrassment Kenma had been feeling was evidently nothing compared to what Kuroo was feeling. His cheeks were red, eyes wide, lips open as he tried to find words.

Oh, if all the girls who thought Kuroo was a suave playboy could see him now.

If he thought he could get away with it, Kenma would’ve taken a picture. He could almost see the wheels slowly turning behind Kuroo’s amber eyes. Slowly, slowly, his lips began to form a word.

“Sex.”

“Right now? It seems kind of sudden but -”

“Kenma!”

Ok, so he hadn’t actually meant to say that. It was more the type of quip he’d offhand throw at Tora or someone than something he’d say to Kuroo, but with them it wouldn’t’ve been a semi-serious offer.

“Sorry, Kuro. But it’s just sex. I am a seventeen year old boy, please tell me you knew that I think about sex sometimes, right?”

Kuroo just blinked.

Kenma wanted to hold his breath. He wanted to turn over and hide. He did neither, playing it cool, counting on the fact that Kuroo was fuzzy from sleep and discombobulated by the reveal and wouldn’t notice he was faking.

On the plus side, Kuroo wasn’t getting angry. He hadn’t pushed Kenma away - in fact, his hand had slid onto Kenma’s stomach when Kenma had turned to face him. He was just freaking out.

“I, um,” Kuroo managed to say, “I guess that does make sense, I just never thought... wait, have you - did you and the shrimp -”

Kenma couldn’t read him now, not completely. There were emotions on Kuroo’s face he didn’t know. It was scary, and somewhat thrilling. Deciding to forge ahead, Kenma said, “We didn’t have sex, no. Just made out a few times to see what it was like, and then decided while it was ok, we weren’t really interested in each other that way. Now he has Aone.”

Something dark crossed Kuroo’s face, and the hand on Kenma’s belly pressed in a bit, reminding Kenma of Kuroo’s strength. It was a thrilling feeling.

Swallowing, Kuroo said, “Why didn’t you like it? With him?”

Because he wasn’t the one I really want, Kenma thought. He didn’t say it, though. He should, he really should - that would lead to the question of who he really did want, and then he could just say Kuro’s name, and he might actually get what he wanted.

But he wasn’t sure he wanted it right this moment. A part of him wanted to draw it out.

He bit his bottom lip as he thought about how to reply, watching as Kuroo’s gaze dropped to his lips. There were answers here, more answers than he had expected to find. There was a buzzing excitement in his veins that said that their friends were right, Kuroo did want him.

Seduce him. That was what he was supposed to do next, right?

But maybe he wanted to be the one to be seduced.

Or, maybe he wanted Kuroo to have some time to actually process the revelation before they acted on it. It was altogether possible that his best friend hadn’t had a clue that the cat in the box might actually be alive. Might as well let him get used to the idea before they opened things up to check.

So he shrugged. “Too much teeth,” he said. “And he gets really enthusiastic with kissing, like he does with everything.”

Concern replaced whatever desire Kuroo might have been showing. “He pushed you into it?”

Kenma snorted. “No, that wasn’t what I meant at all. It was just... the wrong flavor, wrong tempo. I don’t know. And we were more focused on figuring out how two mouths worked together than on each other, I guess? In the end, we realized that wasn’t a part of how we wanted to relate to each other - though he and Aone have invited me to -”

“Don’t!” Kuroo said, almost shouting.

Holding back a laugh, Kenma said, “I won’t. But why not, Kuro?”

The discombobulated look was back, and Kuroo blushed. It would be interesting to know the full extent of the answer, but Kenma wanted truth, and he wasn’t sure Kuroo quite had all the answers to that question yet.

“Sorry. It doesn’t matter. Can I get up? I need to go pee.”

“What? Ah, yeah, sure,” Kuroo said. He pulled his hand back like it was burned, like he hadn’t realized he was actually touching Kenma’s stomach. Oddly enough, it didn’t make Kenma question his interpretation of what had gone on. He decided to just ride out what happened, see what secrets Kuroo might have been hiding - and discover what they might figure out together in the future.

He ducked into the Kuroo’s bathroom and took care of business, brushing his teeth with the toothbrush he always left there. When he was done Kuroo wasn’t in the room anymore. He’d probably gone down to one of the other bathrooms to get ready.

Kenma was fine with that. His stomach was growling, so he made his way downstairs. Bokuto was already at work making breakfast in the kitchen. Kuroo was leaning on the counter beside him, drinking a cup of coffee and looking subdued. His eyes immediately caught Kenma’s as he came down the stairs. The gaze made him feel like some wild exotic animal that Kuroo was just seeing for the first time, like he’d adopted a cat only to find out that it was actually a baby jaguar or something.

Well, that was a silly comparison.

Ducking his head, Kenma smiled and made his way into the living room. Akaashi was still passed out on the couch. Eventually the smell of food would wake him, but Kenma didn’t have a death wish, so he wasn’t getting near that. Oikawa was curled up in a chair drinking coffee and flipping through a magazine, and Iwaizumi was on his computer at the dining room table. The other two Seijou third years were gone - Kenma remembered they’d had a list of touristy things lined up to do all day. Iwaizumi was planning to drag Oikawa to a church service in a little while, and then they were on their own for the day too. The rest of the day would just be them hanging out with Akaashi and Bokuto.

That would be fun, but Kenma was thankful he’d actually been able to spend time with the people from Seijou last night.

Iwaizumi looked up as Kenma came close to the table. “Hey there, Kozume,” he said.

“Kenma is fine,” he replied, scrunching up his nose.

Nodding, Iwaizumi looked back at his computer.

Pondering a moment, Kenma glanced back at the kitchen and then murmured, “Thank you. I think you might’ve been right.”

“Oh?” Iwaizumi said, looking over at him before focusing back on whatever he was searching for. “You tested it out already?”

Looking out the window, Kenma nodded. “It was, ah, interesting. Potentially revealing. Confirmed that he didn’t think I was interested in sex. The other is still up in the air, but things look like it might be a real possibility.”

“Ah, good,” Iwaizumi said, shooting him a grin. “Well, you have my number now. If you ever need tips of dealing with the flashy romantic type, let me know.”

“I’ll do that,” Kenma murmured, glancing down at his phone with a smile. “Though I know him pretty well.”

“I trust you do - I’ve known Oikawa since we were kids too. But I’m not exactly a natural romantic? Even so, I’ve figured out a few tricks that have been pretty successful - surprises and the like. And no, I don’t mean sex things. Sex is nice, but it’s only a part of it.”

Kenma nodded slowly. “I know. I wouldn’t want it to be everything. I don’t want just friends with benefits, or anything like that. I want - well - everything, I think. Or at least to explore the possibility of everything.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean,” Iwaizumi said, looking over at Oikawa fondly.

Evidently feeling the weight of two pairs of eyes, Oikawa looked up from his magazine. “What, Iwa-chan? Oh, hey Ken-chan! I didn’t know you were up.”

Kenma waved, then turned as he heard footsteps coming from the kitchen.

“Apple juice, Kenma?” Kuroo asked, a smile on his face that seemed just a tiny bit strained.

“Thank you, Kuro.”

“And pancakes! I made yours apple cinnamon, Kenma. Tell me if they’re any better than the last ones.”

“Ah, thank you Bo,” Kenma replied, beaming down at the plate of tiny pancakes Bokuto slipped in front of him.

“You spoil him too much, bro.”

“Hey! Don’t be jealous! I have your breakfast fish in the pan on the stove, or did you just forget?”

They bickered for a bit as they went back in the kitchen. It wasn’t anything serious, though, even if there was an odd edge to Kuroo’s jibes. Kenma wondered if it was due to their earlier conversation. Maybe Kuroo was still feeling unsure of himself. Or, well, at least a little confused. That was alright.

At least things were moving now.

No matter what happened, Kenma was glad they weren’t stuck in the same limbo they’d been wandering in for the past few months. Communication was the key to relationships, right?

And sometimes communication needed a catalyst to get the ball rolling.

~~~~~~~~~

“Kuroo-san is acting weird,” Inuoka said.

Kenma’s eyes didn’t lift from his game as he sat next to him on the bench. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, normally if he’s mad at me, he just comes out and tells me what I’ve screwed up. It’s easier that way, you know? But he’s been glaring at me the past few minutes and I have no clue why.”

Pursing his lips Kenma saw Inuoka lift the water bottle to his mouth, wiping sweat from his brow. He was taking a break from practice for a couple minutes. Kenma had tripped earlier when Tora accidentally crashed into him making a receive, and Kuroo had insisted Kenma sit out a bit to recover.

“It’s not just me, either,” Inuoka continued. “Did you see how he lit into Yamamoto-san? Especially when he was acting all guilty for running into you! You’re not even all that hurt.”

Fukunaga, sitting on Inuoka’s other side, just huffed a laugh.

Sitting forward Kenma shot him a look. Ok, it was true. Kenma wasn’t hurt, and he was taking advantage of Kuroo’s overprotectiveness in order to get a few more minutes in on his new game. Nekomata would be back soon and would probably order all of them back on the court.

And it wasn’t like Inuoka’s intuition was wrong.

Kuroo was acting weird.

It was just that Kenma knew exactly why.

He’d been this way since Sunday. Sunday afternoon had been relatively normal, Kenma and Akaashi lounging around while Bokuto and Kuroo made a game of cleaning up the house. But even then Kuroo had side-eyed Akaashi for sitting on the couch with Kenma and had made sure to plop down in the middle of them on more than one occasion. Kenma couldn’t figure out if he found the behavior amusing or irritating or both. It would probably be irritating long-term, though he wasn’t completely sure Kuroo was fully aware of what he was doing.

Iwaizumi called it overcompensating. Evidently Oikawa had overcompensated by trying to make Iwaizumi jealous - with girls, which was of course completely stupid, especially after Oikawa had explained to him what demisexual meant. Hopefully it would all go away once they firmed up their relationship.

Which they should probably do, sooner rather than later. Kenma frowned at his game. He should probably do something.

The thought of making a real move on Kuroo made him nervous, though. Even if he was confident that he was reading things correctly, there was still that undercurrent of self-doubt telling him this could have another explanation entirely.

“Yo! Inuoka! What did you say to Kenma?”

“Nothing, Kuroo-san!” Inuoka said, voice confused.

“Then why does he look upset?”

Kenma shot him a glare. “I’m fine, Kuro.”

Kuroo frowned back at him, lips opening like he wanted to counter that statement. Instead he just looked at Inuoka and Fukunaga. “You two get back to practice - receives with Lev, or something.”

They both groaned, and Kenma sighed, putting his game away. “I need to practice some serves with him, actually,” he said, getting up.

“But you’re -”

“I’m fine, Kuro,” Kenma repeated, putting a hand on Kuroo’s wrist. They exchanged a long look. Kuroo broke first, huffing.

“Alright. Fine.”

Nodding, Kenma walked over to where Lev was practicing with Tora and Yaku. “I’m taking over with him for a bit,” he said.

Tora let out a whoop, and then started to apologize for the millionth time for what had happened earlier. Yaku just raised an eyebrow.

Lev, well.

Lev looked strangely subdued.

Kenma thought about asking him what his problem was, but then followed his gaze to where Yaku was walking away. Ah. That made sense. He’d noticed things were a little off between the two of them the past few days as well - nothing major, not like the way Kuroo had been acting, but enough for Kenma to pick up on.

He thought about it as he started to set, then let himself get distracted by the technical aspects of the game. Shouyou had told him how Kageyama had spent hours practicing his sets, all the little tips and techniques. A part of him knew he probably could achieve at least some semblance of that level of expertise. He’d never be a genius, of course, but Oikawa had shared a few things under the pretense of wanting to help Nekoma beat Karasuno.

Kenma would take every advantage their team could get.

But they were never going to win if Lev was sucking like this.

“Lev,” Kenma said, holding the ball in his hands.

“Eh?”

“You’re normally slightly better than awful at this, but today you really are everywhere.”

“Ah! Sorry Kenma-san!”

Kenma scowled, irritation crawling up his arms. Throwing the ball straight at Lev’s head probably wouldn’t help matters. It never had, not really, though it did provide at least a modicum of relief for a second. But he had a feeling that wouldn’t fix the problem.

“Do you need to - ugh - talk about something?”

Scrunching up his face further, Kenma couldn’t quite believe he’d said those words. To Lev, of all people. In his experience, inviting any sort of attention from the gangly first-year was just asking for trouble - honestly he didn’t know how Yaku put up with it.

Still, sometimes things had to be done.

“Talk? Oh, um, I mean -”

“Spit it out. I don’t have all day.”

“Er - that is, I mean -”

Sighing, Kenma looked around, noting that Kuroo was watching them, eyebrow twitching as he pretended to talk to Kai. That wasn’t exactly a good sign.

“Lev, my offer will be rescinded in -”

“Did you mean it?!”

Kenma turned back to Lev, blinking up at him in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“Did you mean what you said? Because I think you’re amazing, Kenma-san, and I’m really flattered but -”

Oh, fuck. How troublesome.

“- and I’m sorry I don’t feel that way about you and -”

“Lev! Why are you yelling at Kenma like that!” Kuroo yelled - twice as loud as the nervous whisper Lev had been using.

“Why are you being such an asshole today, Kuroo! You’re yelling at everyone!”

“What the hell, Yaku!  I’m just trying -”

Ok, this was impossible. Kenma scowled, mentally counting the days until nationals and replaying all the ways their team had been acting out of sync. They were lucky that Nekomata was still away on whatever errand had possessed him to leave them on their own tonight, but Kenma was fairly certain their coach would be forced to take steps. Steps that, considering the root of the problems, would probably involve several very uncomfortable conversations involving his elders that Kenma didn’t really want to have.

Plus he’d probably find some way to bring up the captain thing again. Kenma watched as Tora tried to talk Yaku down from where he and Kuroo were all up in each other’s faces, and locked eyes with Kai.

Kai lifted an eyebrow and Kenma sighed, irritated as all hell.

Fuck.

“I’m going home,” Kenma murmured.

“Eh, what?” Kuroo said, instantly focused on him.

Kenma turned and started to walk over to his jacket. “I’m tired, and all this yelling is bothering me.”

“Oh, ah -”

“Aren’t you going to walk him home, Kuroo-san?” Shibayama asked.

Kenma shot the young libero a suspicious glance, reading something more than ignorance in the grimace he got in return. It made him thankful, actually. He knew people were always underestimating Shibayama - especially the kid himself. For Kenma, though, there was a sense of teamwork that had been growing between them. Not just him and Shibayama, but Inuoka, Tora, and even Lev.

It only took a swift glance back to see Kuroo frowning at Kenma and then look at Yaku, shoulders slumping in defeat. When Kenma picked up his jacket he heard footsteps behind him.

“Do you want me to -”

“Yes,” Kenma muttered.

They didn’t say a word as they changed and walked outside. Kenma checked the time on his phone and sent a text message to his mom, batting ideas around in his head. Kuroo was quiet. It wasn’t their normal quiet. Then again, normally Kuroo was as settled in their relationship as Kenma was, and things were definitely unsettled right now.

Like Oikawa had said, though, sometimes you have to disturb the ground in order to let things grow.

He caught Kuroo’s arm as they got to the train station. “Wait,” he said. “I changed my mind.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ll be right back.”

There wasn’t a line for the ticket kiosk. Frowning, he started pushing the buttons onscreen to buy two tickets for the destination he had in mind.

“Are you playing hookey from practice? Is that why you wanted to leave early?” Kuroo asked, sly smile on his face.

Kenma gave him a dirty look.

“That’s it, isn’t it? What, you heard about some new cafe with an amazing apple pie? Some new game coming out? An arcade?”

“I don’t only care about games and apple pie, Kuro.”

“Ohoho, what, is the shortie in town visiting or something? You were texting a lot just then.”

Kenma just sighed and tugged him off toward the proper train.

“No, Shouyou isn’t visiting. This - it’s a surprise.”

“A surprise?” Kuroo asked, a bit bemused as they settled into the thankfully available seats.

Kenma just nodded, hiding the tickets away until they were needed and pulling out his game. It was a surprise. A very scary surprise, since he’d never been there. Iwaizumi and Oikawa had, and they said it was good. So did Akaashi, who’d been taken there by Bokuto a few weeks prior. That probably meant Kuroo had heard about it. Still, Kenma was confident enough in Kuroo’s utter cluelessness about his romantic intentions to keep his otherwise brilliant brain from figuring out Kenma’s game plan until they were actually at their destination.

They rode in silence a while, Kenma trying to lose himself in his game to quell the nervousness from all the people around them. Kuroo was close. Their legs were pressed against one another, warm and comforting. Kuroo checked his phone, sending a few texts - probably to his mom, maybe Bokuto. Hopefully Bokuto would have the good sense not to tell Kuroo what was going on.

He would. Bokuto was smart. It was easy to forget that sometimes, but Kenma knew underestimating his intelligence was like underestimating Kenma’s ability to read the court - done at one’s own peril.

“I’m sorry if I upset you earlier,” Kuroo murmured.

He hadn’t, not exactly. If Kenma had been clueless about why Kuroo was mad, it might’ve upset him. But Kenma felt at least partly responsible for Kuroo’s sensitivity. After tonight, hopefully things would be back on track, and hopefully it would be a new track.

“It’s fine, Kuro. Everyone was on edge. Probably people are just worried about nationals.”

“Well yeah, but -”

“But what?”

He looked up at him, curious if Kuroo would take the opportunity to beat him to the punch. It wouldn’t phase him. Their destination would still be useful as a way to celebrate, as things went as planned.

But then again, a part of Kenma wanted this to be his doing, a way to show Kuroo that Kenma was serious about what he planned to say.

A way to at least attempt to be romantic.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it, kitten,” Kuroo said, sighing and ruffling Kenma’s hair.

Kenma ducked his head, flushing a bit at the open sign of affection in public, in front of strangers. People would see. People would be whispering. A thousand different scenarios opened up that made the embarrassment all but tangible in his mind, but he resolutely pushed them away and focused on his game until he heard their station get called.

“Naka-Meguro?” Kuroo asked, face puzzled as Kenma stood.

Nodding in reply, he stayed close to Kuroo as they got off, thankful for the arm that slid around his shoulders and shielded him from most of the contact with the crowd.

“This way,” Kenma murmured, tugging him towards the northeast exit. It wasn’t quite as crowded as he’d feared, though they did stand out a bit in their school uniforms. It would be alright, though. He tried not to look at Kuroo as they walked toward the river, passing tiny stalls and food vendors on their way.

The river wasn’t as pretty as it probably would be during cherry blossom season, but Kenma still liked it. Fairy lights were strung up in the trees that lined the waterway, and the walkways weren’t too crowded.

“Kenma,” Kuroo murmured.

Huffing, Kenma remembered he should probably slow down. They weren’t racing along the path. They weren’t here to rush to a store. They were here - he’d brought Kuroo here - to have a nice, quiet time that Kuroo would enjoy.

It was still terrifying.

He chanced looking back at Kuroo, taking in the perplexed look on his face.

“Kenma, why are we here?”

Words were hard to come by. All of them seemed so trite. Because he wanted to be here? Because he wanted to be here with Kuroo? The agenda he’d planned out on the way - half an hour walk up the river, take the elevator to the skygarden, maybe find a bookstore, maybe eat dinner, maybe...

Maybe confess.

No, he needed to confess, he knew that. It was all too real all of a sudden, though, this responsibility Kuroo had given him when Kenma had first stepped forward and bought their train tickets. It was like he was taking Kuroo on a date except Kuroo didn’t know it yet. Would Kuroo not like it? Would it blow up in his face? Was he overstepping, making assumptions based on their years of friendship, pushing Kuroo into something romantic he didn’t want, was this even any way to do romance -

“Hey, hey,” Kuroo murmured, stepping close and brushing Kenma’s face. “It’s ok. I didn’t - eh, didn’t know it was that hard a question. Didn’t mean to get you stuck in your head.”

Breathing deeply, Kenma leaned into the hand. “I want to be here with you,” he said, terrified of the words as soon as they left his mouth.

When he chanced a look up at Kuroo’s face, there was no judgement there. Instead he saw wonder in Kuroo’s eyes. “You want.... With me?”

Kenma nodded, hoping that his face didn’t look too strange. “I thought you’d like it.”

Pursing his lips Kuroo frowned, and Kenma wanted to step away.

“Because I’m upset? Did you bring me here to cheer me up or something? Because -”

“No!” Kenma said. “No. I mean, partially, I guess. But I’ve, um. I’ve been thinking about.. This. Or something like it. For a while, I just - I didn’t plan for it to be tonight, but I didn’t - I didn’t want to wait.”

“Thinking about it? Like a - Kenma...”

Swallowing, he looked up at Kuroo again because it wasn’t enough to just hear his voice. To his surprise, Kuroo was blushing, his arms wrapped around him as he looked to the side. The corners of his mouth were curling up though, so it didn’t seem to be too bad of a reaction.

Slowly he looked back at Kenma, eyes soft. “Ok. Well if you have everything planned out, what are we doing?”

“Um. Walk here, along the river for a while?”

“Walk? You’re actually volunteering for physical exertion?”

“Shut up,” Kenma said, scowling.

Kuroo just laughed.

It was a happy laugh, so Kenma didn’t really mind. Instead, he just turned and started walking, trusting Kuroo to keep up.

“Um,” he said, “if you see anything you like, we can stop.”

He was tempted to pull out his game again, but it was probably bad etiquette in these type of situations.

“I see something I like,” Kuroo said.

“Where? Ah -”

For a moment, he thought Kuroo was flirting with him. Oh, crap. Was Kuroo going to flirt with him if they became - fuck. He’d have to ask Iwaizumi on ways to counteract that. Bad enough when Akaashi flirted. He knew Akaashi was kidding.

Probably.

But Kuroo -

Kuroo just gave him a smile and pointed toward a vendor a few yards down the way just closing up shop. Books. Of course it was books. Sighing, Kenma smiled and followed, allowing himself to pull out his game while Kuroo lost himself in the volumes the lady was selling. He didn’t end up buying anything, but it was a pleasant pastime. Once they were done with that stall they continued down the river, falling into soft conversation that was almost normal for the two of them. Sometimes a shop would catch Kuroo’s eye, occasionally Kenma got distracted.

They did break down and spend money at a shop that sold little plushies, laughing to themselves at the cats. The shop owner looked at them with a patient eye as Kuroo attacked him with a black cat, and Kenma sighed and bopped Kuroo on the nose with a calico. Both of them ended up going in a bag, along with a couple of tiny owls that Kuroo knew Bokuto and Akaashi would love, and a soft plush sun that reminded Kenma of his best friend.

By the time they got to the entrance of the sky garden, though, it was already closed.

“Damn,” Kenma said, frowning.

He’d meant for everything to be perfect. He should’ve checked the closing times - why didn’t he check the closing times. If they’d waited to shop until after -

“It’s ok, kitten, shh, shh,” Kuroo said. “We can always come back.”

That was true, he guessed. He still felt bothered, though.

“Here, hey - come here.”

Kenma let Kuroo tug him over into a secluded corner between the riverwalk and a building.

“We can still walk back. I’ve wanted to see the sky gardens ever since Bokuto told me about them, but we’re close enough, maybe we can come one Saturday afternoon, yeah?”

Kenma nodded. That was true. Maybe even to celebrate winning nationals.

Or something.

“Um, will you,” Kuroo said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Could you - I mean you don’t have to - but you wanted to bring me here, right?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Kenma looked up at Kuroo’s face, trying to read his expression again. There was something vulnerable in his eyes, vulnerable and hopeful.

He was beautiful.

Screw fear. Screw dancing around it. Kenma swallowed. “Um. You remember that box you were telling me about?” he asked.

“Box?” Kuroo said, thrown for a loop.

“You know, the one with the cat in it. The cat whose life is on the line for science - which is still a stupid idea, but -”

Laughing, Kuroo asked, “Schrödinger’s cat?”

“Yeah, that one,” Kenma said. “I think - well, I’d like to hope, I guess - that if we opened the box up, the cat would be alive.”

Kuroo was silent. Kenma fidgeted, internally cursing himself for the metaphor. It didn’t make sense. It was too complex, it wasn’t really related to what he wanted to say, why had he even thought to put things like that, ugh.

“I think,” Kuroo said finally, “that for me, it’s very much alive.”

Kenma looked up. Kuroo was beautiful, and special, and brilliant, and important to Kenma in ways no one else had ever been. He was also smiling.

Reaching up, Kenma brushed fingertips over his cheek then slid his hand over to curl around Kuroo’s neck, feeling one of Kuroo’s hands slide forward to his waist.

“Um,” Kenma said, “so, do you think, when we come back here - do you think it could be on a date?”

Kuroo’s smile widened, and something about his whole body relaxed with those words. “You’re so unfair,” he said.

Ah, that was good. Kenma let a smile curl the edges of his mouth, and nodded. “Very unfair,” he agreed. “Though, that’s not really an answer.”

“Fine, fine. Yes - but on one condition.”

“Oh?”

“Kozume Kenma, may I kiss you?”

Heat blossomed in his cheeks, and he felt the smile widen even though he was trying to keep things stoic. “Yes,” he murmured.

And so, Kuroo kissed him.

It was soft, at first. Light. Intoxicating. Kuroo’s lips were nothing like Shouyou’s. Kuroo’s hands were wrapping around his waist, tugging him gently forward. Kenma let his hands slide into Kuroo’s stupid dark mess of hair, wanting the kiss to go on forever but growing increasingly conscious of the fact that they were still in public and in their school uniforms.

Still, this was his first kiss with Kuroo, and he wanted to savor it.

They both laughed as they broke apart. Kuroo’s eyes were shining.

“You like me,” he said.

Kenma scowled, cheeks heating. “I didn’t say that.”

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Did not.”

“You do though,” Kuroo teased, fingertips coming up to caress Kenma’s face.

Kenma smiled and turned his head, kissing Kuroo’s palm. “Maybe.”

Gasping, Kuroo said, “No!”

Shrugging, Kenma turned and started back down the path. “Well, you haven’t said a thing about whether or not you like me,” he said.

Kuroo caught up, arm sliding around Kenma’s shoulders in a way that was familiar and new at the exact same time. “I’m pretty sure I’ve liked you my whole life,” he said. “In one form or another. This way though, for a while.”

“Oh,” Kenma said, heart beating faster at the confession. How Kuroo found those words so easy to say he had no clue. Maybe because he knew now that Kenma liked him too.

“How long have you liked me?”

“Hmm,” Kenma said, “I’ll tell you later.”

“Kenma!”

“What?”

Kuroo pouted, then got a sly look in his eye that made Kenma nervous. “I like you.”

Oh brother. Kenma wondered if the fluttery feeling he got from those words would ever subside.

“I like you too, Kuro,” Kenma murmured.

The reaction was instantaneous - wide eyes, flushed cheeks, and a little patter of fingertips on his shoulder that made him worry about Kuroo’s constitution. It wasn’t a bad reaction though. Not at all. It made him wonder...

“So, do you like sex, Kuro?”

Oh, that was an even better reaction. Almost as good as the one he’d gotten on Sunday morning in Kuroo’s bed.

“We are not talking about that right now!”

“Oh? Why not?”

Kuroo pulled him close and pressed his head against Kenma’s ear. It was more amusing than embarrassing, though Kenma felt very aware of a few of the looks they received from passers-by.

“Because I’m not going to ravage you in public, kitten, and I’m pretty sure Aunty would be upset with me if I took you to a love hotel.”

That made Kenma stop in his tracks, all thought leaving the building as he tried to come to grips with what had just been said.

Kuroo pulled away and smirked down at him, eyes dancing in a way that reminded Kenma that he’d have to be very very careful playing this game.

“Fair enough,” he finally managed to say. “But can I at least call you my boyfriend?”

Ah, and there soft Kuroo was back again, smiling at him with the brightness of a thousand smiles.

“On one condition,” Kuroo said, winking.

“What’s that?”

“Only if you let me take you to barbeque to celebrate.”

“I suppose I could handle that,” Kenma said seriously. “Provided we find a place with apple pie for dessert.”

“Deal,” Kuroo said.

Kenma nodded. “Deal.”

Then Kuroo was laughing again, tugging him down the walkway towards the lights of one of the restaurants they’d passed on the walk north. He was beautiful. He was happy. He was Kenma’s.

Not just Kenma’s best friend, childhood friend, but also Kenma’s boyfriend.

The world was an amazing place.

Fishing his phone out of his pocket as Kuroo tugged him through a curtained entrance, Kenma sent a text off to the friends who’d helped him plan the evening.

 **The cat is alive,** it said.

The cat was alive, and would be for a long time to come.

~~~~~~

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! Feel free to check out the other stories in this collection if you want to know more about the AU, or come talk at me on tumbler at <http://kaiyouchan.tumblr.com/>. Also comments are AMAZING and make me very happy ^_^


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